The End. Of the world.

According to my father, who believes himself a leader on the subject of spirituality, December 21st is a day for reflection.That's the day that's meant to be the end-of-the-world, according to the Mayan calendar.

The Mayan Calendar

I've been wondering... What, exactly, would this end-of-the-world look like? And, if it really was the end of the world, would I be ready?

Yes. Yes, I would. Despite not having done all I've yet to do, I've lived! ...From scratched up, bruised, sometimes broken, scarred and scared, alone, sometimes without confidence... to laughing out loud, soaring, at peace, happily rediscovering myself over and over again, being real, finding and sharing love, joy, being grateful that I have everything I need... Reading that sounds a bit like I could have MPD, but I assure you I don't. I'm just human and a little crazy.

Here's me reflecting, as per my dad's advice.

My only "regret"... has to do with my family, but even that has contributed to who I am today. If we live past the 21st, I'll focus on converting the occassional disillusionment I face, which stems from my father and often, my mother. In fact, I've already started.

I've recently come to realise, after lots of research and reading on the subject of childhood "abandonment", that this disillusionment comes from being abandoned by my father when I was a young girl of 7. My mother had no one else to get through to my dad, except for me. It robbed me of being a little girl with little girl dreams, and turned me into the eldest child, with the responsibilities for my sister and mother on my shoulders. This was not an implied responsibility, but a very real one (Call you father, tell him we need... Tell you mother... Call your father, tell him your sister needs... etc. etc. etc.).

In the end I became Super Woman. If I had to suck it up and be Super Woman, even when all I wanted was Super Man, I did it. Eventually most men I met thought I'd carry the relationship because I was "so strong". I thought I could carry the relationship because I was "so strong". Wrong (in my head I just said 'hashtag epic fail' as I wrote that).

And so on and so on and so on. By the way, tell my dad any of this today and he'd sarcastically ask if he must bring his violin out to play for you. Well, someone has to break the cycle.

We can't go back and change the past. The past doesn't define our future. Clichés, yes, but true all the same. At some point we stop blaming our past for our future and realise that life is ours to make as we want. We do that by the energies we put out. (Note to self: Stop randomly forgetting what you clearly are very aware of!)

I think my biggest realisation from all this is that... I'm just a woman, who needs someone strong beside her, so that I can be the woman.



Image by F. Pyro on deviantART

Great, so as we're approcahing the end-of-the-world, I have just confirmed that I have "daddy issues". That's what I'm printing on my next t-shirt.

But guess what? I'm one in a trillion in this world who do. In order to bring that trillion number down, I could start research on the importance of the whole family in raising a child so that we raise mentally and spiritually healthier societies, but I think I've waxed philosophical enough for one blog post.

So here's what the-end-of-the-world means to me... It's the end of the era of materialism, selfishness and greed. We face a change of consciousness that is 'of the mind and spirit', which will harness the kind of positive energies that will astound and delight us all, if we allow it. Hey... I sounded like my father just then!

I've got to get brownie points for not being afraid to put my crazy out there, though some may disagree #justsaying