New Reality TV Show: Psychoanalyse My Handbag

I read an interesting article in an in-flight magazine while flying from Cape Town to Jozi yesterday. It made me think about how women would be perceived based on the contents of their handbag. I change handbags everyday to  match what I'm wearing. Today I'm wearing my large grey Guess tote, if that helps with your analysis.

1 x Blackberry Bold (aka Blacky Brown)

It’s my “don’t-forget-your-head-at-home” reminder cum personal assistant cum keeper-in-toucher-with-the-world tool, and I would be completely lost without it. Oh, that reminds me, I had best back it up before it crashes….again.

1 x Kindle 3

My new baby. I mean, toy, my new toy. I’ve downloaded two new books to it and have an entire list on my Amazon wish list just waiting to be bought! Please, feel free to send me as many books as gifts as you like, but not on birthdays, or Xmas. Send them just because you want to, really. I’m still working on a name for my Kindle. We’re only just getting acquainted.

1 x iPod

For when I feel like dancing in my head

1 x red snake skin makeup bag (with area code of its own)

Elizabeth Arden 8 hour cream, Lancôme mascara, MAC, Clarins and Bobbie Brown lipsticks, Clinique lip palette with mirror, Dermalogica lipbalm, Dior and Clinique eyeliners, Coco Chanel perfume, wet wipes, hair pins, hair tie, mini sewing kit, Disprin and a few other none-of-boys-beeswax items

2 x wallet (Guess & Mulberry)

One holds cash, cards and licenses, the other is a photo wallet… containing incriminating images of naked, hot men and women I’ve met over the years… No, silly, not really. But it could contain photos of all the bodies I’ve had to bury. That’s a joke too, by the way, in case this is every called into evidence for some bizarre reason.

1 x ID Book (South African)

I hide this well… The photograph is a hideous caricature of me, taken on a flu day when I had runny eyes and a red nose, after being wind-blown by a gale that would measure high on the Richter scale. Yes, I said Richter scale. That’s how bad the wind was, ok.

1 x duct tape

No comment.

1 x Carrol Boyes letter opener

I haven’t opened an envelope in 6 months.

2 x Velcro strips

Um. I believe these are here from that time, when I needed them for that thing I had to do.

1 x crystals

They weigh a kilogram, I’m sure. Bought last year in a ‘I need all the help I can get’ moment. They must have been working hard!

1 x Crabtree & Evelyn Honey, Lemon and Coriander hand cream

A stand-in Valentine’s gift from the boy...

1 x Ace of Hearts card

The design on the card is of a 60’s pin-up girl in wispy, see-through lingerie. It appeals to my inner burlesque queen.

1 x business card for Wildfire Tattoos

My go to tattoo parlour in Cape Town, just short of being on speed-dial

2 x key sets (Tiffany key ring and UK flag Harrods key ring)

One holds house keys, the other car keys

1 x Tiffany pen (aka Tiffany pen)

It’s scratched and dented, but that only adds to its personality.

1 x crocodile skin notebook

For scribbling and doodling. Lately I have been practicing signing my maiden surname: Miss Brown! I have also been laying out ideas for my Teddy Sutra porn collection

3 x tissues

For runny noses, obviously.

1 x Zippo

For setting things on fire, obviously.

Ok, that’s it. Let me know what you discover.

Reality Tale

Hello. Remember me? I won’t blame you if you don’t. It’s been so long since I blogged, I forgot my account password (again). Shameless, I know.

When last I wrote, I was a kept woman (also read as jobless) and in the beginning stages of a blossoming relationship. Today, I am a co-dependent working woman in the beginning stages of a live-in relationship (with the most imperfectly amazing man on the planet – boring, I know).

And, well, that’s it really. The end.

Ok, ok, I’ll expand a little more. I went for a gazillion interviews and got turned down - BBBEE or whatever. Good thing I’m used to rejection or I would have had zero self-esteem left. My retrenchment diary count got to in excess of 120 days. To be honest, I'd turned down a few unsuitable positions. I didn't want just any job, I wanted the right job. Anyway, I was boring people to tears with my conversations about what the best way to remove wine stains from the boys shirts were. I was driving the boy insane with my insomnia and with my crazy, and with making him my guinea pig for my cooking experiments. My friends had run out of motivational speeches and were low on mojo supplies as they’d had to donate most of theirs to me. I was driving myself around the bend. It was not pretty.

And then, once I’d found some calm in my mind and spirit and was able to realise that, despite being in some serious poo, the Universe was (in its own roundabout way) providing for me … and I received two of the best job offers in one week, and accepted what I thought was the most spectacular job offer for me (all within two weeks)!

A three-colour composite of a region of star formation in the constellation of Aquila

Credit: ESA

My lesson from this story includes lessons I’ve learnt and relearnt a million times: Everyday is another beginning, a chance to start again. Positive thought, positive feelings, positive results. The Universe does indeed provide, I just need to stop trying to bend it to my will. Sometimes I need to have a little more faith, in me, in people and in said Universe. My friends are all the family I need. And finally, my dark side will always try and lead me astray, but all I have to do is on hold tight.

As for The Boy, when the niggles and challenges and curve balls that life inevitably throws at you comes my way, he is in my corner. And if that wasn’t more than enough, I get to fall asleep in his arms every night and wake up in them every morning.

I’m one of the luckiest girls on the planet.