UnPC

Dear Blogger.com,

It's been ages since my last post.

I will come back soon and tell you why I've been gone for so long. First, I need to get something off my chest. My apologies if it sounds like I got up on the wrong side of the bed. I didn't.

I am a curvy, slightly crazy, imperfect, 36 year old, mixed race, mixed culture, divorced mother of a 14 year old I had at the age of 23, while living the life of a model in the U.S of A. And that is just the half of it.

I have done some fucked up shit on my path, no doubt. (Details to follow in my first book.) I have also had some of the most fun, glamourous, scary, materialistic, thrilling, beautiful, spirtual, moving experiences in life, which very few people my age have been blessed enough to have. Hang in there, I'm going somewhere with this...

I have dived into every aspect of my life head first, with the greatest enthusiasm. Some of my choices have ended with hurt and pain, but no regret, and I've moved on to the next chapters in my life with as much enthusiasm as if i'd never felt pain. I will continue to overcome my fears and throw myself at life, because I believe in living and not merely existing.

To my point. I am proud of who I am. I love who I am. I am lucky and blessed to be where I am and have had the experiences I have had. I will not change my version of my life experiences for anyone. I am going to continue to be who I am.

I cannot change the colour of my skin, or my bloodline. I do not want to change the colour of my skin, or my bloodline.

Anyone who judges me based on the fact that I am mixed race, divorced, a mother and lived the kind of life that I have can go and fuck themselves. Yes, I have an EP of 95%, but right now 'go and fuck yourself' works for me.

Anyone who judges me based on the fact that I am mixed race, divorced, a mother and lived the kind of life that I have and HASN'T EVEN MET ME... no comment. Anyone found out making excuses for who I am, well, you can go and fuck yourself too.

Feeling this way must be what life was like, back in the dark ages. I am reminded of why I left South Africa in the first place.

The end.

New Millenium Lovers

"Love that is not madness is not love" - Pedro Calderon de la Barca

For the past decade and a bit, I was safely hidden in a world where I thought I understood love. Little did I know. In today's world, it seems I understand love even less.

Marriages are falling apart everywhere I look. My opinion on this subject is that unless you have completely stopped loving someone as your life partner, there is always a way to fix things. Call me naive. Whatever. It's when the love has been beaten to death and not even a defibrillator can bring it back that I can understand dissolving something as beautiful as a marriage. Unfortunately a lot of marrieds forget that once they believed the idea of marriage beautiful. When a marriage falls apart... well, it's one of the saddest things in life.

Here's what seems even more sad to me... falling in love in the New Millenium. It appears that each and every one of us has given our hearts to someone and been hurt. This is life. I find that the people from "my era" are being influenced just as much as younger generations by the instant gratification disease  that epitomises the times we live in now (Patience is a virgin. Yes, I said virgin. And we all know there are hardly any of those around anymore). When you add the two together, the results are not pretty.

The combination of hurt and instant gratification disease is leading to cynicism, scepticism, and fatalism. He's only with me because... He said so but... How long can love really last?... I want, now... Hell! I could expand on this theory for pages, but I'm not in the mood. If you ask me if relationships have any hope what-so-ever based on this attitude, I'd say don't fucking bother. This kind of love seems like a minefield... You can be blown to shreds at any moment. If that's your thing, good on you.

I look around and ask myself what happened to meeting someone (in real life, not on Facebook or Twitter), actually liking each other, then dating, flirting, falling head over heels in love, trusting, dreaming together, loving together, growing together... I feel really naive. For another world, another time.

Nothing in life is ever easy or simple. Yet it is.

I believe that if you want love that takes your breath away, moves your soul, frightens you a little bit, makes you happy, sets you on fire, makes you want to be a better person, gives you a glimpse of how beautiful the future could be, provides serenity, lifelong friendship and is better than any dream ...then you need to let go of the bullshit and learn to trust and have faith and be positive and visualise and endure and suffer and miss and desire and accept and be patient and believe and learn and communicate and be honest and passionate and courageous and yourself (as scary as that may be).

Or you could have moments that resemble these "New Millenium Lovers" and just say "fuck it", both literally and figuratively. I have moments when I get so vexed about love, and how difficult and painful it can be. In those moments I would rather just shut it off, disconnect, fly a million miles away and be on my own. The eternal party bachelorette, and eventually, the spinster mom and her cat. I like my own company, have great friends, am very sociable and would be just fine living that life. The problem is that I detest "fine", and as much as I like islands, I am not actually one. So what the fuck is a bird to do?!


I think the experiences I've had to date are different to those of my peers in that I have less time for being indirect. I know where I'm heading and how I want to get there. I'm generally life-loving, positive and driven and when I make up my mind, that is it. I realise that projecting this on to others is unfair, and so I work hard not to afflict my standards on those around me. I fuck up sometimes. That human thing.

There are moments when my passions consume me. Now is one of those moments.

Mush

This blog was meant to be a very specific short story. Once I'd finished writing it, I couldn't bring myself to publish it. I'm a wuss of a writer at the moment. Too many things going on in the background that I want to share, but just can't. And even though I can use dramatic license, there's the need for a soupçon of privacy, which I'm afraid my words would not provide no matter how much I abuse said license.

...In all honesty, this is like holding on to the juicest story in the universe. I swear if I don't tell someone I'm going to spontaneously combust. Ggaaahhhh! I need to get a grip.

Ho hum, twiddly thumb. Soooo... what shall I share with you instead? Thumb! That reminds me. I had a little accident last week. I was in the restrooms at The Zone in Rosebank, used the paper towel dispenser, and got my right thumb sliced through to the bone on one side, and all the way through the fleshy part on the other. The mall staff hadn't locked the towel dispenser and it fell and almost decapitated my thumb. I saw blood everywhere! There was a spurting fountain of it. I couldn't figure out where it'd come from, until I finally looked at my hand, then the floor, then the wall... I had to run out of the bathroom for help, leaving a trail of my DNA everywhere, then head back in to try and stem the flow while waiting for emergency services, which never arrived. I ended up wrapping my thumb in copious amounts of tissue paper, that turned red in seconds, and driving myself to the clinic in a state of shock with a bloody hand. I couldn't compress my hand and drive safely at the same time, so went with driving safely. It was not pretty.

Long story shortened, I ran from the hospital when they mentioned stitches and fled, with my bloody-wrapped hand, to a friends house who has extensive experience in such injuries. I arrived on his doorstep in a bit of a state, was given loads of TLC by his wife, and then they both put my thumb back together as best as they could. Did I mention the knight in shining armour who came speeding to my rescue? No? Well he soothed my frantic tears and made me feel a little calmer... and maybe slightly em-bare-assed.

I guess looking back at it now, it was the shock and pain, on top of not knowing the area I was in and trying to navigate my way around to find a hospital that combined together to freak me out a bit. Ok, a lot. Normally I would have called my father, but that's another story...

I sincerely hope you aren't eating anything while reading this. My thumb is on it's fourth dressing and the bone cut seems to be healing better than the one on the fleshy side. There will probably be scars, which I shall wear as badges of honour. Well, not really, but I always wanted to use that phrase.

See? I managed to distract myself and tell you a true (gross out) story without using dramatic license. Now I best go, before the feeling of spontaneous combustion sets in again.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

I'm home with the lurgy. Spent the night coughing, like someone with a 60-a-day habit. Very sexy. Just wanted to come online and share that with you.

With free time on my hands, I thought I'd do something productive, rather than give in to the work of the devil. I spent hours trawling through travel pics. They brought back some great memories! All the trips I've taken have been special, but a few stand out.

My first trip to Egypt was post the Al-Qaeda bombing of Sharm-El-Sheik. I felt quite guilty going on holiday after so many people had lost their lives, but the trip had been booked for ages. I spent my birthday travelling through Sharm (just another tourist destination), Dahab, Alexandria, Taba and Nuweiba. I snorkeled in the Blue Hole, had a local BBQ catered for by one of the Egyptian tribes in the Oasis of Mount Wadi Gnai, followed by a climb up the mountain itself. I rode a camel through the desert and then promptly passed out from heat stroke. I woke up a club-owner to belly-dance with local dancers at the Tree Club in Dahab, situated on the edge of the Red Sea, at 4 in the morning. I saw the sunset rise over Saudi, across the way. I slept on the sand of the Sahara, in a Bedouin camp. I remember lying on my back, listening to a fox howl, feeling the desert wind on my skin, and gazing up at a view of millions of stars before going to sleep. Breathtaking! All the photos in the world can't replace the memories I have of that trip.

Another memorable trip was to the US after having lived and studied there some years prior. I spent a few days in Big Bear, in the San Bernardino Mountains. I stayed in a log cabin, that overlooked the lake, surrounded by the mountains. I smoked vanilla cigars overlooking the lake, drank local wine and had the most amazing pancakes for breakfast at the Original Pancake House. I went hiking in the mountains, hoping to spot a cougar. Next time...

Laguna beach, on the west coast of the US, is one of my most favourite places in the world. I spent the afternoon watching Kelly Slater and Rob Machado on the beach, surfing. My friend, the original honky (aka Adam) lives in Laguna Beach. We went for lunch at Johnny Rockets after, where I had the best chilli cheese dog and curly fries in the world! Later, at Adam's place, we heard the sounds of his neighbours drifting in through his living room windows, in what can only be described as a display of mid-evening porno sex. Shameless!

As I'm writing this, I've begun to realise that there are quite a few memorable trips I'd like to wax lyrical about. There's Malta, where I went dancing at the St. Johns Co-Cathedral, built originally as the church for the Knights of St. John, and where Caravaggio painted the Beheading of St John the Baptist. Tunisia, where I went to try heal my soul a few months after Malakqi died. I went swimming off a coral reef in Hammamet, with a depth of over 30 metres! Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, Maldives, Sri Lanka, Hawaii, New Zealand... the list goes and on and on.

I definitely have itchy feet. Where to next? I'm dying to go to Cuba, before the architechure and the old cars are completely phased out. I want to learn to Tango from the old Cubans who teach on the cobbled sidewalks throughout the city.

A trip to Machu Pichu in Peru is next on the list. Then India. Then... wherever the travel bug takes me.

I think I'm beginning to get delirious. I better go and lie down so the visions in my head will stop. It's so hot and sticky. I can't breathe. That may have something to do with the head congestion. Who would believe I went through 9 months with not a single sniffle and now summer is here, I get sick. Ho hum. Catch you later!

Joke of the Day

Aaah. it's fun laughing at some people. This Malema joke made my day.

Julius: Hello I would like to order some guns.

The gunsmith replies: What? The line is bad.

Julius: Guns! (getting louder)

Gunsmith: Sorry I can hardly hear, please repeat!

Julius: (very loud now) GUNS!! G 4 jesus, U 4 europe, N 4 anything and S 4 eskom...Guns idiot!!

Random Week

Yaye! I have my home internets back! *HUGS screen, modem and hard drive*

At this moment, I am multi-tasking "Supernatural" with updating my blog. Don't worry. I'm a woman. I can do this. On some days I can even drive and chew gum simultaneously. A real shocker, I know.

Wait...Dean is about to take his shirt off... Hmmm. Yums.

As I was about to say, the last week has been an interesting-happy-sad-mad-hectic-fun-busy-thoughtprovoking one.

Interesting and thought provoking because I've been keeping my eye on the news and Idiot Malema's Twitter page. I'm getting a niggly suspicion that there is a group of political assholes who would love to become the oligarchy of the country. Except instead of being distinguished by royalty, wealth and family ties, this oligarchy would be distinguished by greed, corruption, lies and misinformation. I suspect too, that this particular group of political assholes would love to cuff and chain anyone who dares utter a word of disrespect against them, in particular, limiting our rights to free speech. Have a read of these articles, which are only two of many showing up in the news of late - http://www.globalpost.com/dispatch/south-africa/100824/press-freedom-under-threat and http://www.mg.co.za/article/2010-08-12-sas-pressfreedom-debate-goes-global

(Breaking for a moment to watch Sam get down and dirty with some hot babe. Hmmm. Milkybar and Cinnamon.)

I've been very happy, interspersed with some immensly sad moments. No, I am not certifiable. Nor am I on any prescription medication. Like the customised Ouroboros I have inked on my wrist, I am facing yet another new beginning in my life. I wonder if this time I'll emerge as a butterfly... I'm really not a moth kind of girl.

The mad-hectic-busy part of my week relates to this being my final week as part of the Avusa group. I consult for the month of November, and then who knows where I'll end up. It's bound to be another exciting rollercoaster ride.

...OMG. There are TWO Deans!...

Oh, yes, fun. I've been getting out a bit and meeting some really cool people. For me it's quite unusual to meet real people, strange as that may sound. I meet people online all day, and often socialise for work. The people are rarely real. I do wonder how it is coming back home has changed that part of my life. I used to meet real people in London quite often. I suspect this lack of meeting real people may have something to do with having enforced hermitism on myself, working 12 hour days and chasing that next step up the corporate ladder. It left little time for real things on purpose. But that was then. This is now! I'm happy, laughing, smiling and free-spirited. I still have my freak-out crazy moments, of course, but they're part of my charm.

Before I leave you, I'd like to recommend you watch The Boat That Rocked. If you love music (any kind of music) and laughing, this is a great movie!

And that, dear readers, is me for the night. The Supernatural boys have just said goodbye to me too. Sigh.

Buenas noches mis amores.

Jay-Z and The Stoned Lovers

If I were to write lyrics for a song, they'd go something like this...


"Burning desires.
There's no inhibition.
Music inspires.

Pulsing beats, hard lyrics.
Smoky looks, breathless, senses on fire.
Joined by the rhythm.
Taking souls up high then higher.

No hesitation.
Passion all consuming.
Pure sensation.

Racing hearts, shared breath.
Hot skin, slick, fever runs wild.
Bound to the moment.
Two beings all parts beguiled.

Stoned lovers law.
Eyes for no other.
Bodies they swore."

Maybe I missed my calling as a lyricist? ...I best copyright these lyrics and get them sold, soonest!

Milkybar and Cinnamon

Who knows what tomorrow will bring... Here's me, living in the now.


Sonnet 22
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

When our two souls stand up erect and strong,

Face to face, silent, drawing nigh and nigher,

Until the lengthening wings break into fire

At either curvèd point,—what bitter wrong

Can the earth do to us, that we should not long

Be here contented? Think. In mounting higher,

The angels would press on us and aspire

To drop some golden orb of perfect song

Into our deep, dear silence. Let us stay

Rather on earth, Belovèd,—where the unfit

Contrarious moods of men recoil away

And isolate pure spirits, and permit

A place to stand and love in for a day,

With darkness and the death-hour rounding it.

A Moment in the Mind of Me

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.” - Paulo Coelho

Destiny means a predetermined course of events. Destiny is a concept based on the belief that there is a fixed natural order to the cosmos. There’s the old argument to this that goes something along the lines of, “Then why bother?”. I’ve also heard the question, “Whatsa cosmos?”, to which I replied, “the plural for cosmo, made with vodka, triple sec, lime cordial and cranberry juice”.

Though I may not be able to agree with the official meaning of the word “destiny”, I would like to believe that the fixed natural order of the cosmos is largely one of goodness, positivity and happiness, for all mankind. I have great belief in the power of positive thought. Positive thoughts convert into positive feelings, which in turn become positive action. I am, however, only human (occasionally superhuman).

As a human, I sometimes lose my way. Without noticing it, I’ve become surrounded by the most amazing people. I attribute meeting these people to positive thought. It has been these amazing people who have helped get me back on track when I do lose my direction. They listen, advise, brainstorm with me or laugh at me. They are the family I have chosen and they help keep me sane and balanced.

I had a point to all this. What was it?! Hmmm… Ah yes! My life at the moment is proving particular challenging. My courage and willingness to change are being tested. Though I feel ready for the challenge, I occasionally have doubts about the decisions I’m making.

Here’s where I get human, and lost… Am I seeing the real challenges or subconsciously choosing challenges that won’t cause conflict and hurt someone? Am I interpreting my messages from the universe correctly? If I get this wrong, I worry that I’ll be screwed. We’re not talking “which colour shoes should I wear today, universe?”, where at worst I’d get some funny looks and chuckles for getting it wrong. We’re talking serious, life changing decisions.

I may have figured out an answer to these questions I ask myself: If I open my mind enough to hear, I will interpret my universal messages clearly. I know I’m on the right path when I can look inside myself and not lie to the “me” shining inside. When I can be completely at ease and happy about the choices I’ve made and the way I’ve responded to the challenges presented to me, then I am doing something right.

It makes sense, doesn’t it? I figured it out after spending some time with a friend of mine, who I seem to share a telepathic link with. (We also share a love of parrots.)

As for destiny, I think my destiny might be ever-changing, dependant on my state of mind. I know my state of mind determines the type of energies I attract towards myself at particular moments in my life. Hence state of mind influences destiny? I believe there’s some truth to that.

I believe we all have the power to influence our ‘”predetermined future”. Nothing is written in stone except for birth and death. Every minute in between is yours to live a good life. I used to think I didn’t deserve a good life, and that bad things happened to me because I deserved them. Lately I realise that my Creator has only ever wanted the best life for me, and all I have to do is open myself up to it and believe. It’s that simple.

I find myself occasionally preparing to fill my newly freed positive spaces with old negativities. It seems my current state of mind is here to stay, and talks me out of riddling myself with all that old baggage. My friend family helps keep the demons at bay too.

It’s only recently I’ve become quite so “grown-up”. I was a wild child until just three years ago, living life by sheer emotion. I was indignant…fiery… passionate…reckless…wild. It’s still there, lurking just below the surface. It’ll always be a part of me. I’ve learnt to channel those energies or risk spontaneous combustion.

Some days it would seem that I have fully evolved into a woman of substance. How bizarre!

The Paulo Coelho quote I referenced at the beginning of writing this post is one that resonates with me and where I’m at in my life right now. I will love who I am, with all my imperfections and contradictions. I’m going to face my challenges with courage. I am ready. I will only look to the past to remind myself of the lessons I have learnt. I will keep moving forward. I will love the people that come into my life, for however long they are there, knowing that they are with me in the now, and remembering that tomorrow may never come.

London Days - Helga from Hell (Written for Helium)

Ah. The Brazilian Wax. Well, where do I start? My first trip on the wild side was at the hands of Helga,
the Brazilian Waxer from Hell. She was 6ft tall with what must have been a 48ZZ bust line and a lip so hairy she actually had a full blown tash! The only other time I yelped and moaned as much was during childbirth without an epidural. I left her waxing table thoroughly bruised but sadly there was nothing pleasant about the experience. The salon has since asked Helga politely (but firmly) to leave and it goes without saying that I have not re-visited that particular establishment.

The concept of a Brazilian wax is, much like the majority of Brazilians themselves, a very appealing and sexy one. To me the idea of having smooth and (mostly) hair free nether regions is a very alluring one. I love the feel of delicate material against smooth skin and when it comes to 'playtime', nothing comes close to the sensations created on freshly waxed, smooth, naked skin.

So, all in all, the Brazilian wax is a must-have in my book. The trick, however, is making sure you find the right beautician. Check qualifications and prices too, as these can give you a good indication of the quality of the treatment. Guaranteed, the lower the price, the poorer the quality of the 'wax job'. There is nothing worse than leaving the salon thinking you're completely hair free...only to discover (normally at the most inopportune moment, like when you're strolling along the beach in your new itsy, bitsy bikini) that your beautician has neglected to remove a few nasty little hairs in a most unfortunate area. And because the rest of you is so completely naked, it makes those few hairs that much more pronounced.

Other things to make sure of is that the wax is not to hot and that your beautician ensures your skin is pulled taut before removing the wax pull your skin taut. Here's another tip, before laying there with your bottom thrust ungraciously into the air, make sure you've been to the little girls room. There is nothing worse than having to jump off the waxing table mid-wax for a wee, only to return to your beautician with little bits of paper stuck to all your waxy bits. And finally, don't kid yourself into thinking this is not going to hurt. It will! For the record, trimming slightly before your wax may make it hurt less but then you're highly likely to end up with ingrown hairs as the shorter the hair, the more difficult it is to remove.

A skilled beautician should tell you all this it and shouldn't be as painful as my Helga experience with someone who knows their way around a bikini wax. With time it becomes easier and less painful and you'll find you need to tidy up less often. Once its all over, you'll love the feel of it. I promise!

Sometimes suffering a little for beauty can be worth it!

Recipe for "Shit Hitting the Proverbial Fan"

Le'see. Ah, yes. Ingredients first.

1 + retrenchment
1 + staff walk-out
1 + media prominent brand campaign

1. Choose a team of freshly retrenched media people.

They must be under shitload of pressure, running on 2 hours sleep a night, go to the bathroom with their mobiles so as not to miss a client call, drinking coffee by the gallon, and eating only pre-wrapped food items at desk obtained from local garage, or recipe will flop.

2. Get MD to behave unethically

HINT: Leading SA political party unethical

3. Add retrenched team members reacting to unethical behaviour

Think cussing, legal action, threats. I believe I heard "...stab you in the eye with a rusty fork, you gutless wonder", but may just have been thinking to self

4. Add staff walk-out

Picture chaotic scene a la Texas Chainsaw Massacre, minus the psycho killers, blood, dismemberment and dead bodies. But only just.

5. Finally add media prominent brand campaign, with only skeleton staff to run it

...And your recipe is complete!

Needless to say, my "every good thing comes easy from here on in" mantra took some serious strain today.

Now, where's the vino?

Pic courtesy of Google Images

London Days - Definiton of the word "Fucked"

I picked up the silliest little book a couple of weeks ago ('Essential English Swear Words' by Stewart Ferris) while browsing for something special. It's all about English swear words, and I guess people who don't live in the UK would probably not get some of them. The majority of the words though are totally 'gettable'. Here is my favourite:

"Fucked"
Definition - The final declaration that something is broken despite your attempts to repair it by hitting it and kicking it.

Usage - 'You're well and truly fucked'
Useful phrase for an Accident & Emergency doctor to a well-mashed patient

OMG! Just typing that took 10 minutes, I was laughing so hard! Ouch. Blue tummy now.

Ah...apparently I have an 'Expression Potential' of 93%...funny then how this is one of my favourite words! :-)

London Days - A quote from Emiliano Zapata

'I would rather live on my feet, than die on my knees' - Emiliano Zapata, Mexican Revolution

For me, this quote has nothing to do with defying God or not believing in Him, because I believe in a Creator. I believe tis quote has to do with living life to it's fullest. Capturing every moment. Not waiting for fate, or destiny, to run it's course, but making your path for yourself. So that when you do die, you're not left begging the answer to the question 'Why didn't I?'

London Days - My Morning. Sometime during 2008

06.55 - Overslept. Aaaarrrggghhh! Fly out of bed, rushing around like a blue-assed fly trying to get showered, dressed and make-up done in 5 minutes. I fail.

07.25 - Finally leave the house and drive to the station in a mad hurry hoping to catch the 07.27 to Waterloo. Yeah right!

07.35 - Miss my train. Drive around, cussing, trying to find a parking space. Eventually find one four blocks from the station...I might as well have walked from home.

07.47 - Running in high heels is a bitch. End up standing in a queue to buy a travel card behind some twit gassing on his mobile phone and hogging the machine instead of buying his fecking ticket! I have two minutes before the next train and decide to say to hell with a ticket and dash for the train. I contemplate whacking said twit with my handbag, but don't have the 30 seconds to spare and don't want to damage my handbag.

07.53 - Phew! Make the train and bonus...I find a spare seat with no one sitting next to me.

07.57 - Lady gets on and decides to sit next to me. She shakes out her paper, and knocks me on the arm, hard. No apology. I think it's going to leave a bruise.

07.59 - Lady sitting next to me has coughing fit. Then takes out tissue and starts blowing her nose. I cover my nose and mouth with my hand to try and avoid getting her cooties.

08.05 - Lady sitting next to me has been coughing for six minutes straight. Only pausing to sniffle into her tissue.

08.10 - She is STILL coughing. I now start 'hmpffing' under my breath, tapping my foot and deliberatley turning my head away when she sniffles.

08.19 - STILL COUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it's getting worse.

08.24 - For f*cks sake, lady! When is this train getting to Waterloo??!!

08.30 - If she doesn't stop coughing, I am going to ram that tissue down her throat!

08.33 - Passenger opposite us offers coughing lady a lozenge. Hopefully now she will shurrup already!

08.35 - S-T-I-L-L C-O-U-G-H-I-N-G!

08.36 - Thank Gawd! I swear 'coughing lady' is lucky to still be alive. I get off the train and dash for the tube. I have to be at the office in 23 minutes.

08.40- Feck! I don't have a ticket. Rush to the ticket machine and stand in queue...only to discover I was in the wrong queue, this machine only takes coins. I have a note. $£%^&"!!!

08.43 - Have ticket. Running for Bakerloo line. In heels.

08.57 - Thankfully the office is two metres from the station exit and I make it! Phew.

09.00 - Hmm. No one is here to give me a handover

09.05 - Still no one.

09.10 - Boss arrives and looks surprised to see me. Says he was only expecting to see me tomorrow. Interesting. Nevermind, I get to work. Nothing has been arranged, so I need to IT to get a laptop and mobile etc.

09.23 - Finally! Settled in and starting to work.

09.30 - Working away nicely when stranger comes up to and asks why I'm in her seat. Perplexed! Explain that I was booked to start today. She says not possible. Hmmm.

09.32 - Call the agency and tell them there is a lady who says she is meant to be here, not me. Agency says will call me back. I wait. No call.

09.37 - Stranger asks if she can sit at desk to get to work. I stutter...'ok'. Agency still hasn't called back.

09.40 - Hovering around. HR lady comes downstairs and says there has been a mistake and they have been double booked. Would I mind going home and coming back in tomorrow? %$%$"$^&$!!!...deep breathe. Of course not!

09.43 - I call agency. Apologies pour forth. They accidentally double booked! Aaaarrggghh!

And that, dear readers, was my morning. I won't bother detailing the rest of my day as it didn't get better. Well, except for the part where on my way home, I read something funny in the Metro and couldn't stop laughing. I had tears running down my face! :-)

Ah well. The days is not over yet, so I guess I'll go try and make it better.

Allergies

These are the things I am allergic too:

1. Mornings

Do not be tempted to engage me. I am sleep-walking and don't really wake until 11am.

2. Mondays

Unless it is a Bank/public holiday.

3. Some Wednesdays and Thursdays

Unless they too are Bank/public holidays.

4. Laundry

Self-explanatory

5. Dishes

See point 4.

6. Housework in general, including vacuuming, ironing and window washing

Just ask anyone of my friends.

7. Karaoke

'Nuff said

8. Cheap things and cheap people

Just nasty!

9. "Normal" people

They scare me.

10. Vegetables

All those strange shapes and tastes. Yuck! Although potatoes are good. Oh and olives. Olives are veggies, right?

Hot Mess

It's Monday. Oh no, wait, that was yesterday. But since I had the day off, today is my Monday. Gggggrrrr. Monday Tuesday.

I feel like a hot mess. Suspect that I have added the 'hot' to make myself feel better.

The shit is hitting the proverbial fan over here. More later.