For the past decade and a bit, I was safely hidden in a world where I thought I understood love. Little did I know. In today's world, it seems I understand love even less.
Marriages are falling apart everywhere I look. My opinion on this subject is that unless you have completely stopped loving someone as your life partner, there is always a way to fix things. Call me naive. Whatever. It's when the love has been beaten to death and not even a defibrillator can bring it back that I can understand dissolving something as beautiful as a marriage. Unfortunately a lot of marrieds forget that once they believed the idea of marriage beautiful. When a marriage falls apart... well, it's one of the saddest things in life.
Here's what seems even more sad to me... falling in love in the New Millenium. It appears that each and every one of us has given our hearts to someone and been hurt. This is life. I find that the people from "my era" are being influenced just as much as younger generations by the instant gratification disease that epitomises the times we live in now (Patience is a virgin. Yes, I said virgin. And we all know there are hardly any of those around anymore). When you add the two together, the results are not pretty.
The combination of hurt and instant gratification disease is leading to cynicism, scepticism, and fatalism. He's only with me because... He said so but... How long can love really last?... I want, now... Hell! I could expand on this theory for pages, but I'm not in the mood. If you ask me if relationships have any hope what-so-ever based on this attitude, I'd say don't fucking bother. This kind of love seems like a minefield... You can be blown to shreds at any moment. If that's your thing, good on you.
I look around and ask myself what happened to meeting someone (in real life, not on Facebook or Twitter), actually liking each other, then dating, flirting, falling head over heels in love, trusting, dreaming together, loving together, growing together... I feel really naive. For another world, another time.
Nothing in life is ever easy or simple. Yet it is.
I believe that if you want love that takes your breath away, moves your soul, frightens you a little bit, makes you happy, sets you on fire, makes you want to be a better person, gives you a glimpse of how beautiful the future could be, provides serenity, lifelong friendship and is better than any dream ...then you need to let go of the bullshit and learn to trust and have faith and be positive and visualise and endure and suffer and miss and desire and accept and be patient and believe and learn and communicate and be honest and passionate and courageous and yourself (as scary as that may be).
Or you could have moments that resemble these "New Millenium Lovers" and just say "fuck it", both literally and figuratively. I have moments when I get so vexed about love, and how difficult and painful it can be. In those moments I would rather just shut it off, disconnect, fly a million miles away and be on my own. The eternal party bachelorette, and eventually, the spinster mom and her cat. I like my own company, have great friends, am very sociable and would be just fine living that life. The problem is that I detest "fine", and as much as I like islands, I am not actually one. So what the fuck is a bird to do?!
I think the experiences I've had to date are different to those of my peers in that I have less time for being indirect. I know where I'm heading and how I want to get there. I'm generally life-loving, positive and driven and when I make up my mind, that is it. I realise that projecting this on to others is unfair, and so I work hard not to afflict my standards on those around me. I fuck up sometimes. That human thing.
There are moments when my passions consume me. Now is one of those moments.
I am of the younger generation and am one of those that hates Facebook/Twitter etc for that same reason - it takes away the personal interaction which I much prefer. Having said that - people do not see what is in front of them at that point in time - they see what they want to see and what "fits" best for them. The new millenium however can be a lonely place for those that were in love and lost it. I find that it helps me to know that I am able to feel love inside and that I will love again someday. I want to love again - not just because I am lonely but because I want to.
ReplyDeleteThere isn't that much of an age difference between us, so I think we're part of the same generation. I don't hate social media. It's a sign of the times. We either move with it or get left behind. What I prefer is having real relationships with real people. It's easier to "make yourself fit" hiding behind a phone/computer, but in the real world, you have to show the substance you're made of. Eventually, the truth will out.
ReplyDeleteI think it's optimistic that you are not jaded by past love experiences. Don't lose that. We all have our baggage and insecurities to deal with, but we should learn from them and not drag them with us into the future. With an outlook like yours, you're bound to come across love again. The trick is not to go looking for it.
Signed, Your Agony Aunty ;-)