Green and Red

For those who are scared of being exposed, or over-sensitive about my opinions: I am a writer - sharing my experiences from the arb to the private is what I do. Deal with it.

Jealous(y) adj. 1. Fearful or wary of being supplanted; apprehensive of losing affection or position.

Rivalry n. 1. The act of competing or emulating

During my adult life, I have experienced both jealousy and rivalry, as giver and receiver, in varying doses. It's never felt good. I love rivalry as a competition, but only in the positive sense. It builds character and it's fun. Rivalry in its negative form causes anger and "despisation". I have not emulated anyone except celebrities on occasion (the last time in my teens), but I have been infleunced by my mentors and friends, who are strong, passionate, caring, driven, energised and positive people. Jealousy, though, is human, and normal, except when it takes control of who you are.

Courtesy of Steven Stahlberg

When my ex-husband cheated on me, I was jealous of the other women. So jealous it made me sick. Literally. Jealousy made me forget who I was; the feisty, independent, life-loving woman inside. Jealousy stole the purpose from my life. When my son died, for months I was jealous of every woman who had a baby but didn't want it. I was jealous of every woman who had a baby, period. I couldn't look at them without feeling sick with jealousy.

Thankfully, that is my past and has been for years. The steps to get here were some of the hardest I have ever had to take. Today my energy gets channeled into the positive. Well, at least when I'm not cussing at the fucking taxi drivers on Jozi roads. Or at stroller moms blocking the aisles in stores. Digressing...I highlight those two areas to make my point.

The Point ==> Unless you have walked a mile in someone elses shoes, shut the fuck up. (This goes for me too.) 



There is always sunshine after the rain, but usually only after you've done the growing you need to do. You can lie to everyone but yourself and the Creator on that one. I fuck up everyday, so I know it's not an easy journey.

Corny but true

What I have learnt, though, and would like to pass on is this - When the sun shines on someone else, keep your nasty, negative, hateful jealousy and rivalry to yourself. Work at rising above yourself and and be happy for them. Especially when the person you're directing those negative feelings at is meant to be someone you love and care about. You don't know what the people you're focusing your negativity on had to endure, or how much they had to grow, to get to where they are at this moment. Be happy for them.

And for those of you on the other side of the coin... When the going gets easier, and things gets happier, try to stay away from being arrogant. The head-up-your-own-ass look is not a good one. Hard for some of us, I know. I have a natural tendency towards it, being human.

Is it always about boobs?

Having said that, I have truly grown in mind and spirit, and I am part of a greater collective consciousness to change the world we live in to one that is kinder, happier, healthier, safer, beautiful... Woo woo, arty-farty, gullible or naive as it may sound to you.

You can either dig yourself out of that comfortable rut you're in and join this emerging consciousness, or keep being hateful, angry, and feeling like life owes you something while you buy in to the destruction happening all around you.

*Note to self - Read this blog when I need a lesson in "practising what I preach".